How Violence Against Women is Your Problem

2 Nov

Dear Readers,


Desi Girl finally managed to change the theme of GGTS. It was made possible by the remote instructions of Iniyaal. Though this very talented blogger gave instructions in May 2010 but it took very tech challenged DG just 5 months to implement them. Thanks dear for bearing with lazy DG. How lazy you can read ahead and make out.

The month of October is dedicated to Breast Cancer Awareness month is known to masses Desi Girl congratulates Kalpana for organizing “mammo party.” But few know that October is also designated as Domestic Violence Awareness month. Survivors, survivor advocates and communities join hands with government agencies to raise awareness and initiate a dialogue on why violence against women is a community issue and how it adversely impacts the communities.

DG attended Take Back the Night 2010. She tried her best to convince desi women and men to attend the event but like always she failed miserably. She may be disappointed but not hopeless cause some where else desi women are making a difference. Before the march she and her friends viewed the screening of the documentary Sin by Silence. The documentary is very close to heart because DG could have been one of those women had Sasha not made her swear on her life, she’ll walk away and not hit back or kill. There was no dearth of occasions, provocations and reasons but she always remembered what Sasha said: Promise me DG not to do the things… walk away from the troubles if you can…

Ample of data is available on how many women are killed by their partners and how many suffer everyday various other forms of violence in their homes, a place that is assumed to be safe and nurturing. Domestic Violence is gender neutral term but the fact is more women are abused by men than the other way round. And those who are going to be up in arms after reading this please get your facts right: more men are killed and abused by other men than women be it passion crimes, terrorism, civil wars or private land feuds but you don’t go yelling around men are being abused by men. Violence in any form by any one is everybody’s issue. Here are few reasons to say how Violence Against Women is not just women’s issue but every body’s issue:

1. If a woman is unable to go out to work a night shift because the streets are unsafe and she fears she’ll be sexually assaulted as she is a woman, chances are her kids will go to bed hungry. Even if they don’t go to bed hungry may be they’ll miss on something essential like text books, shoes etc. So VAW is a community issue.

2. If a woman misses a day of work because she was beaten by her partner previous night, her performance at work will be poor. Chances are either she’ll loose the job or you’ll receive poor service. So VAW is your issue too.

3. If a woman is faced with domestic violence research shows her children are assaulted too. They grow up with anger issues and residual violence. Chances are they’ll abuse their partners too and it could be your loved one. So VAW is definitely your issue.

4. If a woman faces physical violence (emotional and psychological violence always accompanies the physical violence) she’ll use tax payer’s money to seek treatment; tax payer will also pay for the forensic evidence and prosecution. So VAW is a tax payer’s issue.

5. If a woman is assaulted her family suffers with her, be it her children, parents, siblings or her friends.. If your sister is assaulted on the street or in the home it impacts you. If your partner’s sister is assaulted on the street or at home it still impacts you because your partner is suffering and is not able to give her 100% to your relationship and her children. So VAW is every body’s issue

6. If a woman is assaulted and the assailant isn’t caught then the streets your sister’s, daughters, mothers, girl friends and wives walk remain unsafe. Thus requiring the police forces to be on a hunt. When there are so many major worries lurking around like terrorism, illegal immigration and drug trafficking who wants to save the women? Hence the streets remain unsafe and you worry about your beloved women folk. So it is your issue too.

If you missed the Take Back the Night in your area there are still many ways you can make a difference. Information is power, empower your self to be of help to a survivor. Come November-December and the world will observe 16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence. In Des, Jagori in New Delhi will hold Domestic Violence awareness activities, Action Aid, India has its own events. Okay where ever there is UNIFEM there are going to be events.

Be part of the solution or else you are part of the problem.

This is Desi Girl’s first ever slide show with music without anyone’s help. Okay thanks to google. Send her some love. She wanted to use some desi women’s songs especially our Isliye Raah Sangharsh ki Chunni  or Tod tod ke bandhano ko dekho behane aati hein or else Ye waqt ki awaaz hai mil ke chalo but she could not find good audios so she had to use Man ke Manjeer. Watch The Making of Man ke Manjeere is based on a real life incident.

If you know someone is being abused this is how you can help.

8 Responses to “How Violence Against Women is Your Problem”

  1. Cilla November 24, 2010 at p11 #

    Nice post as usual DG. I wrote something taking on the male sexual abuse issue that you and IHM were discussing, on my blog too. Sorry not been keeping in touch much quite busy with work and also mind is not clear enough to make objective, constructive comments. Been reading your stuff though.


  2. NatalieBrooke November 16, 2010 at p11 #

    Great post! Great event!! I really enjoyed it – can’t wait till next years! ps; I was wondering if you’d be able to send me the two pictures you took of my friend and I? (we’re the girls in the pink shirts haha) thanks!! 🙂

    @Natlie Brooke,

    Welcome to GGTS, a safe space.
    So nice to hear from you. Will email your pictures privately this week.
    Will see you next year around. Keep up the good work to keep the world safe and peacefull for all.

    Please share this message of hope with anyone who may benefit.
    Desi Girl


  3. Deeps November 7, 2010 at p11 #

    Excellent post, Desi Girl. I agree with your is high time we stoop up in unison and raised our voices against DV and try and a be a part of the solution and NOT a part of the problem. It is a sad and depressing fact that even today many of us(women, men and children alike) put up with abuses-emotional and physical. I hope and wish that the victims realize that being in an abusive relationship or surrounding is NOT their destiny. Instead they have every right to change their destiny.

    Kudos for this post!

    Welcome to GGTS, a safe space.

    Yes, it is high time we all stood up to say NO to abuse. You are right in saying that victims realize that …being in an abusive relationship or surrounding is NOT their destiny. Instead they have every right to change their destiny…
    But that is not a sufficient condition. It is upto us (those who witness abuse and those who are cognizant of the fact it is taking place anywhere) to tell the abusers that victims have options and it is not their destiny to put up with the abuse. Unless we offer options to those who are abused and start challenging the abusers things would not change for good.

    Thanks for your support and encouragement. Kindly share this message of hope with anyone who may benefit.
    Desi Girl


  4. Ariana November 3, 2010 at p11 #

    HEY DG have you heard of No more tears, I donate kids stuff to them.We need more women like you and Somy

    No More Tears & So-Me Designs
    Somy Ali, Founder and President
    10097 Cleary Blvd # 150
    Plantation, FL 33324
    Office: 954 646-2955
    NMT Crisis Line: 954 324-7669
    Fax: 954 533-7247

    Thank you, for this beautiful compliment and your pro active actions. Yes, DG is aware of Somy Ali’s efforts. Here is a link another reader Harish from Blogadda sent DG. I’ll attach it to How to Help and Abused page.


  5. yayaver November 2, 2010 at p11 #

    Love is only solution, not the violence. Thanks for putting such an important issue on the blog.

    Thank you Yayaver. Love is indeed the solution wish abusers could understand it.


  6. Jubeee November 2, 2010 at p11 #

    Desi Girl, I am outraged that in my own state that if a woman is assaulted by someone she has lived with the matter goes to family court but if you are assaulted by a stranger it goes to criminal court! Women are more likely to die at the hands of someone they know well than a complete stranger! What a terrible message to send, that somehow violence against someone you’ve lived with is some how not criminal!

    I applaud you DG for being an advocate for all women who ever been abused!


    • girlsguidetosurvival November 2, 2010 at p11 #

      Dear Jubeee,

      Desi Girl understands your frustration and view point but there is a problem in making IPV totally a criminal or a civil procedure. That is what we were facing in India. Abuser is usually the one in the position of power, owning or begetting resources like income and housing etc. If abuser were to be incarcerated then the dependents usually woman and children were left without support. Even if some support was available from family and friends then the relationship went beyond repair after one trip to jail or the abuser becomes more vengeful that “you sent me to jail, why should I support you.”
      Research shows when abuser and abused are in a relationship they fight and quickly make up as they go through the cycle of violence. This continues until abused realizes there is no hope of repairing the relationship.

      As the break up make up drama continues on regular basis it is imperative to provide the abused logistic support, income and housing; there is no adequate state support available and society including families are hostile towards the abused (especially women). This logistic support cannot be brought about with criminal procedure, as the abuser will be behind the bars and the abused will have to file civil claims for restitution and injuries.

      By default criminal and civil procedures should simultaneously applied in IPV because a it should hurt in every way (income and loss of freedom) to send out a message that IPV is not acceptable.
      There are provisions of Temporary Restraining Order against the abuser in the civil procedure. That way both parties can review if they want to continue, seek mediation or quit.

      IPV is like the known devil, abused feels competent to deal with. It is a delicate line because as a survivor advocates we cannot ask the abused to walk out even if we know that is the right thing to do. If she does, then we have to make sure her basic needs and safety are met.

      Abusers know this weakness of law and dependence (logistic and emotional) of abused on him/her. You are right IPV should be treated as criminal act but DG believes civil procedure for restitution and claims should be applied simultaneously. The hardships faced by the abused once she reports abuse are effectively documented here .
      DG fully supports the author in asking what kind of justice is it if there is no roof over head and food in belly.

      Desi Girl


  7. Bikram November 2, 2010 at p11 #

    what can i write Jeet , agree with all your points


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A Desi Girl's Guide to Relationship Survival

Own your relationships. Don't let them own you.

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