Tag Archives: About relationships

Cost and Effect Analysis of Last/Past Relationship

6 Nov

Cost and Effect Analysis of Last/Past Relationship:

11/06/2013

In recovery journey one has to do lots of house cleaning before that one has to take inventory of the emotional stuff so that you don’t repeat the pattern. When one embarks on a new relationship it is suggested they take such an exercise where they ask themselves and their partner early on so that they know if it is worth going forward or if it is just repetition of past patterns.

This a worksheet from a course work that DG just found in her old assignments zip drive. It will make an interesting read she thought.

How is this relationship different from last/past relationship?

  • Not mooching
  • Not sexual
  • Equality based
  • Inexpensive fun/ joy
  • Enjoying nature
  • Spiritual- discussing God
  • Discussing tentative issues- love, finances, career goals, expectations, children, other significant relationships etc.

 

Why were these things missing from past relationships? If not totally missing then why were they not as important as they are today?

 

Cost and Effect Analysis of Last/Past Relationship:

 

Expectations

Received

Net Result

comfort + initial comfort Discomfort- physical, emotional, financial
 love + initial love Just memories
 appreciation + initial appreciation Guilt generation
 long term commitment + initial need gratification- physical, emotional Short term relationship- long term prescription medication
Security – nil Doubtful of future relationships, comfort eating= weight gain
Stability – nil, they were looking for anchor in me Still looking for it  
  – that was the best they could do but was not enough for me Quest to find best matched partner – if one really exists  
       
       
       

You can add more of your expectations in the empty rows.

Present Situation:

Are you looking for a carbon copy of self in partner?  Not possible there does not exist another you.

What are your immediate and long term goals? Emotional, Physical- health, financial, family etc.

What issues are negotiable and what are not? Place of residence, shared activities- volunteering, recreation, child rearing, spiritual, finances, chores, social life etc

What will not be tolerated under any circumstances? Infidelity, emotional unavailability, financial blunders and secrets, abuse of any kind inclusive of spiritual, values…

 

You are complete in yourself, you do not need any one to make you complete. All you need is someone deserving to share your achievements with. You know that just believe in yourself.

 

Word your needs precisely and work towards them no one can achieve abstract needs example- You want peace, but what action or activity will or can bring you peace?

Hope this helps, make suitable suggestions and re send it to your partner for further mind work.

 

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About Some Relationships

5 Nov

About some relationships

11/05/2013

Most relationships begin and end unknowingly because it takes an effort to maintain them. Even the effort made has to be wholehearted. Many come across only few stay back, it is either their need or our insistence. All relationships come with an expiry date, some burn in the furnace of truth and come forth shining bright, some just turn into ashes and others just smolder and linger along to take those last few breaths and yet there are few others that you can pick up from anywhere irrespective of the years and decades gone by as if nothing ever changed.

The longevity and endurance of relationships depends on the effort put into nurturing them.  There are those informal relationships where one adorns the garb of formality because they are so fragile to stand the truth. If one asked, “How are you? the expected answer always is, “I am fine, thank you for asking?” even though the respondent was not fine. Though this formality is an effort yet it is our societal need, a societal shield to protect ourselves from the attacks of these relations. Will an end of such relationships bother us or we just wait for them to die a natural death so that we can breathe easy.

This can even extend to intimate relationships where being vulnerable is no longer a luxury but a non option. When silence in relationships becomes a condition of peace understand you have crossed that fine line between compromise and self-betrayal. Compromise is an act of volition made out of love when you make one you don’t walk away feeling you betrayed yourself. If the health and longevity of a relationship is dependent on either or else then it is not a compromise but a betrayal of equal partnership. When our so-called compromises start hurting us it is then we have to realize we are no better than those who are hurting us because we are also hurting ourselves by buying peace at any cost.

To pause and think for a minute how long can one walk on eggshells (either this or that) is a good strategy to take an inventory of our relationships.

Is it:

…the only time we get along is when no one is talking…

and we have made it work for quarter a century…

From the wet market

Mostly vegetarian meals from Asia

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