Tag Archives: Desi men

GGTS is 3

16 Oct

10/16/2012

Today with 215,783 hits GGTS turns three. Thanks to all readers, supporters and comment writers to help keep this space safe and productive for healthy initiatives to venture into desi relationships.  When DG started writing three years ago her undying optimism nurtured a lofty ambition of revolutionizing desi relationships and reaching out millions. That happened or not is different story but she definitely believed if she dreamt little bigger like she aimed little higher  in her .303 range firing she’ll hit the target. Her target audience was middle class educated and gainfully employed desi women or desi s, she did reach some in multiple ways and desi men of course came on their own.

Year I

These three years have been a very productive journey with personal ups and downs. In the first year she learned to use gchat and started chatting with her readers beyond GGTS. Few of those interacting with her were curious about her identity and asked too many personal questions. Curiosity is understandable but inquisitiveness is unwelcome. Those who respected DG never asked any personal question of identification are still around. Four of those readers and co bloggers have kept in touch from time to time through gchat and gtalk given their personal trials and constraints on time. This is a shout out to @IHM, @Bikram, @Anju Ghandhi and @STIC. During this time DG wrote regularly and posted lots of analytical material that was self explanatory and was designed to be used as self help. She answered each comment in great detail and supported numerous women to the extent of making personal international calls. As a survivor working outside the system she felt strongly to hold every hand that reached out. There was also an attempt to highjack GGTS that was foiled and DG learned to post copy right inscription and how to monitor use of her moniker.

Year II

In the year two her posts became fewer given her personal engagements but she regularly followed up with her comment writers through personal emails. Self doubt is a root characteristic of abused people until they understand the basics of abuse they keep fighting every well researched reason you offer.  Once they get hold of basics of relationship between love and abuse; how it operates and it’s cyclic nature they sooner or later make a decision. Once they reach the decision they don’t need much help from DG they quickly move on. While on an international trips she kept regular check on comments and gmail. While on one such trip an abused woman reached out to DG she gave her hours of one on one attention through live chat and resources yet she came back few months later to seek answer to same questions. DG did observe distressed comment writers had a pattern they kept coming back with same questions and seeking DG’s attention. She felt disappointed and defeated because either those readers were not getting it or thought DG was idle waiting for them to ping her.

It is interesting during this period DG was like everybody else dealing with her personal stuff too. These women who desperately sought her vanished she hoped they moved on. As usual DG regularly followed up with them. Most had made a decision and had moved on but none found it worth to let DG know that her hours of one on one personal attention paid off or not.  It is then DG started struggling with the thought what do readers owe a blogger? Comment, acknowledgement or formal greetings! Guess, not a thing. These were people who could not afford therapy, life coaches or any kind of professional help given their circumstances were counting on someone who could be there for them.

It is then a woman wrote a comment and asked DG if she could send her a personal email. A globetrotting successful professional trapped in emotionally abusive marriage. DG spoke to her couple of times coordinating her schedule to the different time zone. Then DG finds an email reading, “Sorry DG….I have let you down….I can fight no more…..” What is DG suppose to make of it? Those were scary 24 hours, few of you have been part of that scare helping DG find out if the writer was safe. It was a fake id and fake name what could DG do, count her blessings and pray for the safety of the writer. If DG suspects the person she is in communication with is in danger in anyway be it from someone else or from self she’ll do everything in her power to make sure they are safe. But she can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself. Next day this person apologized and few days later vanished and just reappeared a month ago. DG is glad she made her decision and is getting back her life but had no interest to inform DG about it. Did she have to? Nopes, not at all.

It is then DG started receiving occasional personal emails from young desi men who were interested to learn about improving their personal relationships and learn about healthy ways of conflict resolution. One even wrote a guest post about his reclamation journey. DG continued making international calls when and where a person in need appeared. DG misses Gbuzz it was a good place to initiate discussions on wide variety of topics with wide range of audience.

Year III

Year three has been pretty slow for DG’s writing efforts. It is not that she ran out of topics or she is burnt out. She is just not motivated to write because some people are assuming she is on a rescue mission. Rather at times it makes her angry that all this time and effort she has put into GGTS is of no use if some support seekers do not even have basic etiquette about how to seek help irrespective of the fact there is a post on that too.   To amuse herself she started a 30 day rant but that too fizzled out within a week. She has put out enough material in the form of posts, pages and comments for anyone to read and learn. But still there are people who have no regard for the work she has put forward who still expect to be spoon fed instead of digging the posts and comments carefully. Few friends of GGTS, suggested and helped in starting a nominal fee based service for those who can afford but very few people opted for that. Even when they could afford to pay this demonstrates how serious they are about the relationship issues they are dealing with.

If one is sick one seeks best treatment or tries to find the best remedy. If your relationship is sick you seek the cheapest solution and advice; browse blogs seek total strangers who judge you and shred you. This is how important desi relationships are. DG has worked hard to keep GGTS a rant free space. Few co bloggers have forwarded her emails from their readers who are in need of help. It feels good that peers think DG can help but the truth is she can only do as much. No one can help you if you don’t want to help yourself. It is hard to stay focused when you are abused, you are depressed and are on a constant guard to avoid next assault either emotional or physical or both but you have to do what you have to do to get from point A to point B. DG is there to walk with you from point A to point B but you have to take the first step she can’t do that for you. Be informed, browse around and read GGTS.

Rules of Engagement

DG is still making those international calls. There are readers who are in touch with her through personal emails and who genuinely check with her from time to time. As a reader you do not owe her a thing, just don’t fake interest in her well-being. Don’t expect her to share her personal struggles with you, here she is a service provider and is bound by professional ethics. She’ll let you know what you need to know. She has already shared a lot about her personal life. Just know when you ping her she responds but that does not mean she is sitting idle she makes time for you. She doesn’t give a hoot what you think about her but respect her time.

Post Logue

True, this post doesn’t sound like regular anniversary posts you read elsewhere. GGTS, is a different space and so is DG, very unapologetic. She is humbled by the love she has received here. She is grateful for the friends she has made. A best asset a woman can have is her head over her shoulders and strong women in her life than dysfunctional men. This is a shout out for you all gals who have stood with DG- Preeti, Julia, Alison, Narcolovelies . A best asset a man can have is to grow some spine and yank that uncut umbilical chord. DG has some relatively functional male supporters of her cause as peers and comrades. There are a good number of male subscribers of GGTS now even a male blog is following GGTS, God know how they plan to liberate men by reading A Desi Girl’s Guide to Relationship Survival. DG writes poetry on facebook you can join her there. Yes, even DG needs help from time to time some angles have been walking DG from point A to point B every day. They are angles so they cannot be identified.

Stay safe and stay happy, healthy and holy until we touch base again.

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Desi Fathers: Super, Lesser and Some in Between

2 Oct

Yes, DG is still alive. Yes, it’s been a long time to be exact 3 months and 20 days since she last posted on GGTS. What did she do all these days? Not that busy readers are interested in her not so happening life. Her basement apartment flooded and she literally survived electrocution. One Saturday morning in early September while she was still drifting in and out of sleep she thought she was dreaming until her hand hit the floor in six inches of water. She jumped out of bed to find she was still alive because in her sleep she pulled the plug to heat pad and fan. She blessed her stars for she is not a parent. She salutes you all parents out there, kudos for how you do that. Now you have another one for your arsenal, “be happy DG is not your parent, or else you would have been… surviving on raw food, green smoothies, steamed veggies, sitting in 6 inches of water… (You can add whatever to the list). DG is definitely not parent material she is just as good as Gabbar Singh to scare kids in the neighborhood though she is a good auntie to spoil your kids and talk to them about everything under the sun. Her friends tell her she gives very good parenting advice that is possible only because she is not a parent. 😛

Her social life might be nil but her Karma life is pretty interesting… Now everything is almost under control, all suitcases are wet and have gone bad, mission impossible to find a new place is on… Hope readers had a good time while she was away. In continuation to the previous post, though it was DG’s assumption that it will be in two parts but it appears it will be in few more parts.

By definition the super father, did not have to struggle to establish his hegemony it just came by virtue of his birth order. There after he had to maintain it by asserting his might and right at all the important life events in the family such as, birth of children, birth rites, finding matches or spending on wedding and sickness in the family and so on. To have power and absolute power is no big deal the skill lies in maintaining that power over a life time for this a person has to learn to execute power in a balance so as to not alienate the menials or push them into rebellion. Constant stiff upper lip is one way to do this but it is pretty threatening and alienating thus a super father has to occasionally shower affection at distant quarters so as not to destroy his in-control image. For example, a father who is known as terror incarnate to his children is often viewed as kind person by his nieces, nephews and neighbors. He’ll be readily available to guide and support his siblings and their children at the cost of his own progeny; rather he is obsessed with them. According to him his children by default should excel in career and social life and take his baton further. His filial loyalty is secondary to his filial piety (sharing his parents’ duty of raising their progeny, his siblings). Though his children often grow with emotionally absent father and resentful of their aunts, uncles and cousins but he makes sure he gives tips on parenting to his siblings. Often these kids rebel and super father loses grip on them.

With such a super father in picture all other fathers in the family become lesser fathers and they have to establish their own pecking order. There is a natural unspoken competition between siblings for parental attention and approval; all their lives they do tango and once they have children this burden to provide them with identity falls on them. Thus children become poster child of “My dog is smarter than…” So each father not only minds his children to save face but also pokes nose in the upbringing of those of his siblings’ (if possible then neighbors too) to maintain pecking order. In this double and confused parenting their own children rebel and move away from them thus to feel in-control they take it up to themselves to discipline other people’s children. The only way to deflect attention from their errant (rather resentful and disrespectful) children they interfere in other people’s disciplining regimes; they find faults in other people’s children to an extent where not only the children but their parents too resent them. Although the generational reverence and gender hierarchy prevents any direct confrontation with such nosey pseudo fathers but after a point a mother will stand up for son(s). This double edged sword often falls on male children and thus their mother emerge as their saviors.

It is mommy’s job to protect her sons’ from daddy’s unreasonable wrath and that of other fathers in the family. Thus mother son dyad is further cemented as her emotionally absent husband further drifts away. Her rising to protect her son(s) immediately brands her as family breaker and an outside (her association to family is through marriage and she’ll remain outsider until her death, she’ll be inducted into the clan only after sharad, a death feast is organized in her name).

These are not set in cement rules of desi parenting they are just prototypes there are numerous variations and combinations depending upon where they stand in social pecking order. It is true that it takes a village to raise a child but it is also true that too many chefs will only spoil the broth…

PS: These fathers are not bad people they are good providers and law abiding citizens they are just confused and they do not know any other way to behave. It is time we created new parenting role models. The world of desi parenting is evolving and some young men are stepping up to be “Dads.”

Desi Sons,Victims of Their Mothers II: Modus Operandi

14 May

This post is in continuation from previous post. Original comment is here. The bold, CAPs and italicized is addition from DG.

Thank you DG.

My post was not against parents, I loved them and still do but I cannot see them because of the actions they took and think they were right in doing them. It is true that I have not come across a woman as toxic as my mother.

I posted my story partly because I wanted to inform people that there are guys in this mess too. Most desi men are very lost, between two poles 1) wife 2) mother.

Desi parents alternate between two poles :

a) Downright ignorant, nasty, abusive.

b) Controlling, manipulating and over protective.

Narcissism reigns supreme in both forms. Mine were in the second category, emotionally engulfing and very manipulating, in particular my mother. My father’s toxicity was of a different sort but it was my mother that really had everyone wrapped around her little finger.

I am not sorry about estrangement, in my ideal world it would never come down to this because my parents did a lot for us. I had this ideal picture in my mind where I would have done anything for them but then things changed ….

My mother underwent a changing I did not fathom at first and did not understand. It was around the time where I had confessed to her that I want to be self sufficient independent adult. At some point she realized that her only investment is her sons (she openly admitted this many times and made it very clear to me that she will let go, “I will NOT let you go.” … yes she said this many many times). Everytime she said this my stomach would turn but I kept quiet, patient that she might ease up on this.

When an abused declares or decides they will nolonger be controlled and will walk away from the controlling intimate the abuser feels loosing control. The idea of loosing control makes them intensify abuse or induce more manipulative ways to keep the abused trapped in their design. Abusers usually begin with sweet talk, how they cannot live without you if that doesn’t work they employ limiting your access to survival means, finances, social isolation etc. When that fail they resort to violent out bursts. This is a very dangerous time. If you are contemplating leaving your abuser do not declare it to them. Move away and then inform them that IT IS OVER. And thereafter there is no going back or working out until your safety (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual all included) is guaranteed, sorry there are no guarantees in the books of abusers.

However it became worse with time, the mistake I made was that I kept thinking that if I did this one more thing for her she would ease up. But as soon she was pleased she started pressing for something else, her aim was to steal me for me… kill all sense of independence so she can control my life as she desires. The guilt an manipulation I faced for a year before my arranged marriage was probably my most miserable year of my life, I was torn between leaving and staying.

Abusers suck the abused into perpetual cycle of people pleasing. The harder you try to please them the harder it becomes to please them because they have made a choice not to ever be pleased. You’ll finish on task they’ll be ready with another. It is a choice they have made and you can’t do anything about it so stay out of this game of making them happy.

Her strategy was multi-faceted, understanding is golden ….

Facet 1: RECRUITING ALLIES

A general nasty level manipulation tactic was to keep me engaged, keep my mind busy so she can have my time. She would start talking to me in subtle, looking at my face to see my reaction to it and thus adjust her. This was the most irritating form of manipulation because it assumed that I stupid and child like. I used to laugh at this behind my back, I pretended in front of her that her manipulation worked to ward this form of incessant manipulation off.

She would get my brothers to do the same, both my elder and younger brother to engage me, keep me busy with tasks, giving my false praise in an effort to smother me and make me give in. She used to pump my brothers for info regarding me and my brothers fully participated, my mother was very good at manipulation. My elder brother though she was right and younger brother mocked and berated me behind my back many many times.

I took me a long time to figure out this facet as my mother was and is a master of guilt inducing toxic lump. When I realized it I understood that anything I say will be used against me so I better watch what I say, how I say and who i say it too.

Abusers will watch your every move and expression keep a ready log of it and use it against you when ever you try to challenge them. Abusers, especially emotional blackmailers recruit allies. Allies are usually people in your immediate circle who have stake in your life; relatives, cousins, friends etc. If you still don’t give in they’ll summon their allies to convert you and make you submit to their designs. You are exposed and shamed in front of these allies thus to escape such future humiliation you start towing the line. Parents often use siblings against each other to maintain control over all of them; siblings relate to parents differently. Some abusers create immediate allies in strangers by shaming you in public or posing a martyrs in public.

Facet 2 : ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS = YOUR OBLIGATION

Using circumstances to gain sympathy and induce massive guilt. This was very difficult to figure out because there was extreme guilt involved. Basically my mother would complain about someone (my sister in law, my elder brother or father) about something seemingly horrible they did to her and how she is miserable. After telling me the garb she used to observe my reaction to it and keeping coming back with the same manipulation in one form or the other until I reacted to it in a emotional outburst – at this point she knew she got me. Few days of peace followed then the bullshi* again.

The purpose of facet 2 was to keep me close to her, so I never do anything that I wanted for myself. The higher purpose of this facet was to keep me engaged, she knew my weak spots and attacked them whenever she pleased and when she pleased.

A common tactic was to request a task of me which I had to do, during the task she would give me false adulation and pump me for information about circumstances that were later used against me at convenient times. A fight between my brother and father would be used to press her own agenda on me, she was clever and knew when to press & how much to press.

Abuse is cyclic in nature, in order not to alienate the abused and loose the game all together abusers strategically employ praise and admonishing. Abusers go around portraying themselves as martyrs; making an impression that they can be rescued and made well if you will step up. “I am sad or sulking because you would not do X. I’ll be happy if you do X.” “Look how miserable you have made me.” “So and so wronged me you are the only one who can make it better for me, if you listen to my sob story or do as I want.” Thus it is your job to keep the abuser in good humor. An abused starts believing it is their job to keep the abuser happy this induces guilt every time they try to do something for themselves.

It is important for abusers to keep the abused engaged at all times because time to themselves will make them analyze their situation and ask for a better deal or rebel.

Facet 3 ELIMINATING COMPETITION

Hate for other women. Toxic or no toxic, this was just plain crazy.

She often used to tell me : “You are naive and don’t understand women”. (Underneath my breath I used to tell myself : ‘but I do understand you …..’). Any women who even looked at were vilified openly. I missed out on women a lot a lot of time girls that I found downright gorgeous.

My sister in law used to face the brunt of this nonsense, she realized the game early on, I requested her to be calm and concentrate on her life. Of all the people she would know why I left my family. I used to feel for her but her life is hers to deal with. She will eventually divorce my brother who unfortunately is one of the dumbest men I know when it comes to deciphering my parents actions.

As abusers recruit allies they also tactfully check any competition. Their competitors are all those people who have the potential to lure the abused away from the abuser like, friends, sympathetic relatives who call out on the abuser or an attractive suitor. Abusers are insecure and will do anything to paint their competitors black. To stay on top of their game they have to systematically eliminate all competition.They prefer to dwell with those they can control thus their allies are their mini-mes.

Facet 4 DRAMA MONGERING & CREATING FEAR

“I will die …… something will happen to me”.

Geez do I really need to say more? Pathetic shi*

Abusers create so much chaos through drama that abused in an attempt to buy peace and cease chaos gives in. Thus a mission accomplished for the abusers. Desi mothers are known for making suicide threats or they suffer an unknown aliment when attention is one someone else. At T’s wedding her MIL had a fainting spell; everyone rushed to her and they forgot to do the wedding pictures; mission accomplished.

Something will happen to me… is the favorite and nothing ever happens. It is a fear induction mechanism to keep the abused and allies in tow. The fear of blame induces guilt

Facet 5 MINIMIZING & DENYING

Plausible Deni-ability.

She would deny everything and shake off her responsibility when it was convenient for her. My marriage was part of this, oh “you said yes to the marriage …. no I did not, you confirmed the marriage while I was asleep and then manipulated me into it”. She chose my wife carefully, seemingly meek and controllable, someone she could keep under her thumb at all times.

Abusers never take responsibility for their actions. They always have a reason to everything they ever did. If they broke stuff in a anger fit, it was because you made them angry. If you call them on their misbehavior or unreasonableness they out rightly feign ignorance about what you are talking about.

I learnt this the hard way, I would suffer in silence, then read about it & THEN realize this is the shi* my mother is pulling. She know what she was doing all along taking satisfaction in putting me through a emotional roller coaster and then taking satisfaction that her goals have been met.

Estrangement was depressing but necessary, wish it was not like this but thats life and it is not all roses and tulips. Peace of mind is good, I love peace and quiet so I invest my time in working towards goals and pushing myself to limits I didn’t know existed. Most people would classify me as a freak given I am away from my family but I can make choices that they can’t, this does not make me better than them but the thrill of having a choice is the essence of being human, remember even God gave humans a choice to accept or reject Him.

Do I hate my parents? No.

Did I forgive my parents? There is nothing to forgive, I forgave my-self and that gave me the comfort of being true to myself. If one does not confront reality it will force itself upon you and you will kick yourself for it, make your choice before you have to make one.

Before we can forgive someone it is important to forgive ourselves because we beat ourselves for being duped.

CONGRATULATIONS FOR RECLAIMING YOUR LIFE.

Aren’t You the Curry n’ Rice Girl?

12 Apr

Technically Aren’t You the Curry n’ Rice Girl?

 “Aren’t You the Curry and Rice Girl? My best foody who happens to be also my best friend for ever (BFF) posed this question on Skype during our weekly catching up session. It took me off guard. I blurted, “You know that I seldom eat rice and my relationship with curry is not very good either? Then why do you ask?” I was bit confused how could he ask such a lame question. The next thing I see on the screen is this youtube link. I almost fell off my chair I was laughing so violently.

 He continued, “I mean do these men stand a chance with you?” I was again taken aback how my BFF could ask me such a question when he knows I am not in this game. I don’t cook, clean or you know what… I camp, boogie board, meditate and have decided not to have any biological children hope he remembers I laugh like a devil on high. Oh yeh, I don’t drink, smoke or date either. I am pretty boring in a conventional sense. What is he thinking? I don’t fit any where in the desi box. Since I initiated project ME after homelessness and hit and run, I realized I am not any longer a relationship person, my priorities are different. I have recently started running after five years. I want to run marathons, climb Kilimanjaro. Yes, Papy we are going to Kili in 2012 on your big year. Nurse your back and get ready. Ok conditions apply- if I manage to stay alive till then. I had to repeat all of the above to him and remind him how lame it was to ask me such a question. He did not give up and continued “ok, then do they stand a chance with your friends?”

 Yeh, that is a different question I can’t speak for my friends but I have known them well for eons. I don’t think they’ll differ with me. Who knows their priorities might have changed like mine. Then I recalled Amu was still on shaadi.com and Atiya still hopeful to find someone to share her life with. Ah, this thing called hope and hope to find that one true “Love.” I roped in Amu on the Skype conference and asked her the same question. There was a silence for a minute and then follows what she said, he said and I said.

 Amu: Good video.

Desi Girl: BFF is asking if these guys stand a chance with you? Awaiting your expert comments…

Amu: Are you out of your mind?

Desi Girl: Why? Don’t you wanna find someone and have a family?

Amu: That is true, but I have never seen you putting me on the spot like this.

Desi Girl: I am just asking a question. What is the problem there?

Amu: Why do you have to hear every word from me when you know the answer?

Desi Girl: Yes, that is true. This BFF wont take my word so I want to you tell him what I already know.

Amu: A (we call him A for short), that is ridiculous.

BFF: Hi! Thanks, But why?

Amu: Do I have to explain that.

BFF: Yes, it will help my understanding of Indian culture (he is African American male big into diversity, cultural sensitivity and exploring racism in diverse locations, has made few documentaries in the Latin America)

Amu: Look dude I am in my early thirties, divorced desi woman who has a professional degree and a well paying job. I don’t cook or clean unless I want to. I exercise at least 5 times a week and I go dancing at least twice a month.

BFF: So it that a problem?

Amu: What have you then learned about desi culture? Oh my, DG you need to give him a 101 on Desi Gender Relations and gender expectations for desi women.

BFF: You just give me a yes and no answer.

Amu: Ok if that is what you want, NO in caps. Happy now?

BFF: But why?

Amu: Oh my God I never thought I’ll have to spell it out aloud.

BFF: Is there a problem?

Amu: You won’t let it go then take it. I don’t find any of them attractive to even go out with.

BFF: Isn’t that little shallow. I thought you would see beyond the exteriors. Isn’t that what we are suppose to do, give another person a chance and get to know someone before we write them off?

Amu: Thanks for judging me you Freud. Say what you wish but that is it for me. Also, I am not into these theatrics. Ask Atiya, she is the one with a degree in cinema studies. And you DG, don’t you do this again.

 Still refusing to let it go BFF stuck to his guns, I had to call Atiya on my crisis call three ring code (it means get on Skype or gmail, need to talk NOW). She had just returned from the college. She logged in and saw me haggling with BFF. I explained her issue at hand and sent her the link to take a peek. Here is what follows:

 Desi Girl: A wants to know if any of these guys stand a chance with any of us and you in particular.

Atiya: Interesting, you pinged me for this. Couldn’t this wait? I thought there was some existential crisis at your end.

Desi Girl: I implore you please do not log out on me this A, is driving me nuts.

Atiya: Interesting video, it is hilarious. But A why do you ask this?

BFF: I just wanted to know what kind of men do highly educated professional desi women prefer.

Atiya: It is not that simple. One takes many factors in consideration. You have to sort of know the other person…

BFF: You think like me, so this means you’ll go out with one of these guys.

Atiya: No I don’t think so.

BFF: Why not?

Atiya: Do I have to tell you?

BFF: Yes please, it will help me improve my understanding of desi culture more so of desi women.

Atiya: I don’t find that amusing. So keep a lid.

BFF: I just asked a simple question why you women have to be so uptight about it.

Atiya: Ok, No, I’ll not go out with someone I don’t find attractive.

BFF: That is too shallow?

Atiya: Yes, I know it is shallow but will it be right to go out and find out you like them and still are not attracted to them. Then it will be even harder to break it to them.

BFF: But aren’t you the fair and slimmmm girl!

Atiya: Yes, I may be but I am a healthy person who takes care of herself and is not interested in caring for another person who chooses to live an unhealthy life style.

BFF: How can you tell that looking at the person in the video? Isn’t the love supposed to motivate the partner to strive for good things. Isn’t the love about accepting the people for who they are?

Atiya: Enough, you Freud. Why can’t desi men accept us for who we are? Why is it that it is always desi women accepting not just men but their families too.  

BFF: I donno…

 Atiya: DG tell him about still fair and slim, mother of two and project manager Anu, who fakes it as if she is with someone else when she can’t stand now fat and ugly Ramesh.

Desi Girl: Uh!!! I didn’t need to know that…

Atiya: DG you owe me a good one. Get ready for that…

Desi Girl: Hoy, Hoy … I am not in this game. You guys need to sort it out on your own.

Atiya: Loged off

Desi Girl: Dude you are in trouble and you have put me in a big trouble with my girls.

BFF: Why? I thought your friends would be more accepting.

Desi Girl: Dude, I don’t disagree with you but I don’t disagree with them either. These are successful women who are competent enough to take care of themselves. They are looking for partners not chaperons. Also, why would they stick around with someone who is callous about their appearance and health? I guess they are accepting the fact what they need in a partner. I guess good job and reputed family are no longer sufficient conditions for an eligible desi bachelor…

BFF: I donno…

 It is for the readers to decide and make their mind about our Curry n’ Rice Girl…

 Enjoy Singing:

 Few times I checked the magazine ads,

I even tried the Indian chats,

Cos I really wanna find the right girl

I want a curry n rice girl!

I asked my dad and I asked my mum

To put my biodata on shaadi.com

Cos they want to find the right girl

They really don’t want a white girl!

O0o0o shes too dark shes too big!

O0o0o shes too short shes too thin!

O0o0o shes too small shes too light!

O0o0o0o OH MY GOD look shes so WHITE!

I looked thru the mags

Thru the county ads

Cos I was looking for my future wife

So an ad in the back I really liked

For a girl that was fair and slimmmm!

So I went to the house

And to my surprise

I saw the girl in front of me

And couldn’t tell if it was a her or him!

Few times I checked the magazine ads,

I even tried the Indian chats,

Cos I really wanna find the right girl

I want a curry n rice girl!

I asked my dad and I asked my mum

To put my biodata on shaadi.com

Cos they want to find the right girl

They really don’t want a white girl!

O0o0o shes too dark shes too big!

O0o0o shes too short shes too thin!

O0o0o shes too small shes too light!

O0o0o0o OH MY GOD look shes so WHITE!

Hey what is ur birthday

Hey what is your screename

Larki are u on friendster too?

Cos if u are then put ur picture up

And you’ll know ill holler at you

If you want to meet

We can go to eat

We will share some lassis and some ladoos,

If this doesn’t work out ill stop chasing girls

and let my parents choose!

Few times I checked the magazine ads,

I even tried the Indian chats,

Cos I really wanna find the right girl

I want a curry n rice girl!

I asked my dad and I asked my mum

To put my biodata on shaadi.com

Cos they want to find the right girl

They really don’t want a white girl!

O0o0o shes too dark shes too big!

O0o0o shes too short shes too thin!

O0o0o shes too small shes too light!

O0o0o0o OH MY GOD look shes so WHITE!

U like my biodata?

B-I-O-D-A-T-A!

U like my biodata?

B-I-O-D-A-T-A!

U like my biodata?

B-I-O-D-A-T-A!

U like my biodata?

B-I-O-D-A-T-A!

Few times I checked the magazine ads,

I even tried the Indian chats,

Cos I really wanna find the right girl

I want a curry n rice girl!

I asked my dad and I asked my mum

To put my biodata on shaadi.com

Cos they want to find the right girl

They really don’t want a white girl!

 

 

 

 

Atiya Finds the Imposter

22 Mar

Atiya Found the Imposter

 

All the chaos pertaining to abuse of GGTS label as personal moniker by some imposter(s) sent Atiya looking out for them. Late last night Desi Girl received an email from Atiya that she is posting here with her take on it. Atiya writes:

 

Desi Girl,

It bothered me a lot to see how GGTS has been abused by some unscrupulous and selfish person. Who not only likes to ride on someone’s nickel but is also flaunting pseudo intellectualism and expertise on very thing Indian thus claiming to be Mr. Know all. This person has never left the Indian subcontinent and has limited exposure to other cultures. Their low self esteem is compensated with narcissism and megalomania. Let me clarify how I am able to draw these conclusions, I had to visit each blog you mentioned in the disclaimer and had to read all the things I never wished to know. But it was an interesting read I should say that. The HBD and PUA are exactly what you and I detest from the core of our hearts. Then I had to trace GGTS to know where else she has been posting comments. I found Desi Girl had been visiting blog world across the globe and foolishly divulging TMI. I met Mr. Know All at Times of India, I noticed he made an open threat to you.

“Thanks for your invitation to visit GGTS and leave my opinion there. It may or may not help to make it better.    But one thing is for sure once I started to leave my opinion there you will forget to say…..
Peace.

My best wishes are with you and your GGTS. Don’t worry, I am not planning to leave any comments there in near future.
Thanks and regards

Rahul”

He did keep his promise he did not leave any comment on GGTS but he definitely created a mess for you else where in the blog world. In his dark world nothing has changed and there is no hope for the humanity. Since your disclaimer his stance has changed for reference look the comment dated March 18, 2010 at jamilaakil.com . I know desi girl doesn’t agree with what is written there because she believes in respecting the God within her.

I wish, Desi Girl will learn something from this experience and use more discretion in sending out details about her life. I am also concerned as I am part of your desi knowledge production effort and I was the one who pushed you to create this blog. The anonymity of internet has its risks and it comes with greater responsibility both towards  self and others. I want you safe and alive. I cannot afford to loose our friendship of fifteen years and most of all you.

Like you I wish peace for the soul of this imposter. 

Sincerely,

Atiya

Desi Girl says:

Thank you, my dear friend to watchout my back. I value your friendship for you know me what I stand for and what matters to me. Yes, I honor the element of the creator/universe within me and the other person. I agree, you are right I should use more discretion in divulging personal information. But I do not know if this imposter is the same person you think is. It could be someone else with same tendencies taking advantage of that threat. They could even change name as usual and go else where and cook their stories but for us we know what we stand for at the GGTS

Recognize together we can change our lives 

Refuse to be part of any discriminatory behaviors and politics

 Resist stereotypes to build positive experiences

Yes, I wish them peace for they may know that peace is more than chasing skirts and omniscience. 

Desi Girl appreciates the support of all readers and comment writers on this blog and also all those who sent their personal support through emails.

From the wet market

Mostly vegetarian meals from Asia

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