Often Desi Girl receives personal emails from readers seeking support and validation. These emails are all similar but these different writers suffer in isolation wondering as if they are the only ones going through this chaos. The truth is greater number of married Desi women are mired by psychological warfare by waged by in-laws and unsupportive spouses analogous to spineless squids with uncut umblical chords. All this happens in the name of generational reverance, lower position of women as ascribed in the great traditions of this great culture and over indulgence of faceless strangers called “log” in other people’s business. The problems are further exacerbated due to lack of personal boundaries and problem solving skills.
Most personal emails received by DG do not make it to GGTS. DG works with those writers one on one in identifying problems, creating a strategy to proceed and follow up with them time to time. Some write back a thank you note and some never return and DG assumes they are doing good. Today morning DG received this email with this attachement from Confused DIL.
All DG could do was smile and say THANK YOU.
On the request of Confused DIL the previous story board has been removed. It did not show case her talent that well. She wants it replaced by new story board.
Desi Girl storyboard
This is a great validation of the work Desi Girl is doing. Thanks to all reader, comment writers and supporters of GGTS.
A Desi Girl's Guide to Relationship Survival 
Hi DG,
This comment is nowhere relate dto your post. I hope you remember as me. You had replied to my comment on Phoenixritu’s Blog. I read your comment yesterday and even replied to you. Just dropped here to say Thanks for reaching out to me! Hope you read my reponse there!
Thanks
Neha
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Thanks Once again. But its still difficult for me to see him as a abuser. I know I have punished myself enough but does that mean that I should overlook all the good points he has? I take care of my parents and he supports me…I have bought a house for them as my brother has severed all his connections from my parents. My husband just does not help me but infact takes the responsibility on him to see that they looked after well, financially and emotionally. But you are right that he wants to see me as an extension to himself, but is that not normal for a person to want their partners to be like them and understand them. I would want that too. May be then even I’m flawed. Is that not normal for a husband to want his wife protected from the bad world out there and see that she is appropriately dressed. Is it not normal to guide your partner if they do not see the bigger picture in life. If he controls my dressing…may be he wants me to see that I’m inviting attention otherwise. Does that make him an abuser? I’m asking you all these questions because i ask them myself and dont get an answer. Am I not being too selfish just to think about myself all the time?
He loves me…really he does but yes on his own terms. But everybody has their own idea about love..isn’t it? I just feels its normal to want him to be an important part of my life and wants me to involve him in all my activities. Does he becomes an abuser for wanting me to tell him that I’m going to beauty parlour…What if he an opinion about about everything in my life and he feels that I look better without any makeup…or wants me to see that I’m wasting my time trying to groom myself externally ….infact I should spend my time reading or whatever is making my mind and soul healthy? He wants me to see the importance of simple living and high thinking. May be I do need guidance and I am just resisting because its new to me….I had a different lifestyle earlier…may be that was wrong…what’s the harm in accepting his style of living…may be it’s much better than what I am used to…I have endless questions in mind. I do’nt want and have to be Mother Teresa, but the least I can do is try to see the other side of the coin.
I have been taking counseling from a friend who I’m secretly in touch with. She helped me to understand that may be I’m presenting him as a demon but infact there may be a point that I’m missing or may be failing to see. I have written a long reply…hope you don’t get bored…I know you have tried to clear my doubts and may be you are right…..but do I have the courage left to leave him…I just cant hurt him …its not possible for me!
You said:…May be I do need guidance and I am just resisting because its new to me….I had a different lifestyle earlier…may be that was wrong…what’s the harm in accepting his style of living…may be it’s much better than what I am used to…
You said:… What if he an opinion about about everything in my life…making my mind and soul healthy?
……I just cant hurt him
There is nothing impossible something are only hard sometimes very hard to accomplish but never impossible. 🙂
Good Luck,
Peace,
Desi Girl
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Hi DG,
I took time to read carefully all the links you had send me and also all your older posts.
I had been out of country for past few days and now mostly evaluating my own behaviour first. I need changes in my attitude too. Else as I can see a pattern in my relationships, I will either go back to him or worse get into a similar abusive relationship.
DG please dont get me wrong, I know you have never ever asked me to leave my spouse or Divorce him. Yes i have been thinking about Divorce since 7 days after my wedding. Its been 4 years now and I have been giving all kinds of excuses to myself to stay in this relationship. I know now that I’m addicted to this person and actually afraid of the unknown. But the most important progress is I have realised what I’m going through and also that I like playing victim.
I still cant snap out of this relationship, but now I’m more informed to take a decision and atleast will stop worrying that I have done something wrong. If things improve and if he sees my point of view, which I know is a rare possibility, I will continue else I will move out.
Thanks you once again for your support and most important for educating me about my rights.
Love
Astha
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You must have many haters here on this blog considering how openly you talk about problems which many married Indian women face. Your views are at least unpopular if not sabotaged by not only men but also MILs, aunties and who else.
I think you’re doing a great job rasing awareness and confidence.
🙂
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And thanks DG for your help and also for this great platform for ‘confused’ gals like me, who sometimes need direction. Lots of love to you.
Thanks to IHM too. You know why 🙂
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Thank you all for the appreciation and the comments. Have been sad lately, but the comments made me feel good.
I do blog, but not anonymously. And ‘confused DIL’ is not the identity I want associated with my blog 🙂
Comic Blog? Sounds like a nice idea. Thanks Julia!
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That is a very good proposal by Julia. A blog with with comics is going to put across things better.
Out of the mantras, the 1st and 5th saw me through… The 3rd came later.
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Confused DIL, I enjoyed this! Have you thought of starting your own daily blog with comics like this? I’m sure you would bring laughs (and relief) to many!
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DG : she is very telented and I agree to Julia that she should start her own blog with comic strip .. :):)
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YES. “This is a great validation of the work Desi Girl is doing.” Hugs DG.
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Loved it!!! Let me tweet this 🙂
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Good Work DG 🙂
Keep it up..
now I feel nice to have you around me..
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🙂 loved the little sketch.
Keep up the good work DG, your posts are thought provoking indeed. Thank you!
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Loved the story board. Kudos to you for doing providing stellar service to women in need.
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It made me smile as well … story with a happy beginning :).. It indeed shows the talent of the Happy gal and the fact that she has found her happiness back ( she even got the kiss from the GB ).
GGTS is a support system , a ready referal for many problems people face in relationships… good work DG
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