Cost and Effect Analysis of Last/Past Relationship

11/06/2013

In recovery journey one has to do lots of house cleaning before that one has to take inventory of the emotional stuff so that you don’t repeat the pattern. When one embarks on a new relationship it is suggested they take such an exercise where they ask themselves and their partner early on so that they know if it is worth going forward or if it is just repetition of past patterns.

This a worksheet from a course work that DG just found in her old assignments zip drive. It will make an interesting read she thought.

How is this relationship different from last/past relationship?

• Not mooching
• Not sexual
• Equality based
• Inexpensive fun/ joy
• Enjoying nature
• Spiritual- discussing God
• Discussing tentative issues- love, finances, career goals, expectations, children, other significant relationships etc.

 

Why were these things missing from past relationships? If not totally missing then why were they not as important as they are today?

 

Cost and Effect Analysis of Last/Past Relationship:

 

Expectations	Received	Net Result
comfort	+ initial comfort	Discomfort- physical, emotional, financial
love	+ initial love	Just memories
appreciation	+ initial appreciation	Guilt generation
long term commitment	+ initial need gratification- physical, emotional	Short term relationship- long term prescription medication
Security	– nil	Doubtful of future relationships, comfort eating= weight gain
Stability	– nil, they were looking for anchor in me	Still looking for it
	– that was the best they could do but was not enough for me	Quest to find best matched partner – if one really exists

You can add more of your expectations in the empty rows.

Present Situation:

Are you looking for a carbon copy of self in partner?  Not possible there does not exist another you.

What are your immediate and long term goals? Emotional, Physical- health, financial, family etc.

What issues are negotiable and what are not? Place of residence, shared activities- volunteering, recreation, child rearing, spiritual, finances, chores, social life etc

What will not be tolerated under any circumstances? Infidelity, emotional unavailability, financial blunders and secrets, abuse of any kind inclusive of spiritual, values…

 

You are complete in yourself, you do not need any one to make you complete. All you need is someone deserving to share your achievements with. You know that just believe in yourself.

 

Word your needs precisely and work towards them no one can achieve abstract needs example- You want peace, but what action or activity will or can bring you peace?

Hope this helps, make suitable suggestions and re send it to your partner for further mind work.