Tag Archives: married home belongs to

Marital Home Belongs to…

9 Nov

Marital Home Belongs to…

11/09/2013

Most of her activist life is spent working at the grassroots with women and children  experiencing domestic abuse while she was still in des and then abroad. Here she’ll share few examples both from her personal and professional experience how the concept of marital home actually works in real life.

There she stood in her two month old marital nuclear home cooking and cleaning as her in-laws were visiting them, she made a feast and she made sure they had a comfortable and pleasant visit. There comes the mother-in-law, starts making faces and making snide comments you don’t have a dining table you don’t sofa the message she is sending is, your parents didn’t provide you a decent start up funds for setting up your new household. By the end of the visit it was established the house is MIL’s son’s and the daughter-in-law was there just to cook clean and serve her husband his family and be thankful for being given this opportunity. They leave she, sulks and he asks her, why a sad face and there ensues their first fight and he says, get out of my house. Yes, it is his house he pays the rent, she only cooks and cleans. There after she could never bring up even rightful concerns because she knew it was his house and she had nowhere to go as she did not want to return to her parents’ who spent so much on this wedding both financially and emotionally.

Her case was brought to DG by a well-wisher who did not know how longer he and his wife could support this woman and her three children who were abandoned by her husband who had moved out of state after defaulting on few jobs and was no longer paying the rent or sending the family any money. The woman did odd jobs for desi families like babysitting, housekeeping and cleaning and that was not enough for four mouths to feed on.  As DG visited the apartment she lived in DG was shell shocked all it had was a crib and a chair three bed sheets, two pots and few plastic plates and tumblers. It is a grace the apartments in the US of A by law are to have appliances and some are carpeted. There was no running water as the bills were overdue the hydro company had disconnected the supply. DG’s first question was what happened to your personal belongings? She told her in a very low voice, her spouse had sent his friend to take away everything in the house and the man proved his loyalty to his friend by actually loading everything in a truck and taking it to his place. He even showed his sympathies by saying, “I am just doing what he asked me to do, it is nothing against you.” Basically it meant “I am an ass for not challenging an adult bully.” It is amazing how some men support other male bullies actually they do so for protecting their common male interests.

How owns the home two people in marriage live in? Is it the partner who pays the rent? If one partner was not employed outside the home does it mean the home does not belong to them? What if one of the partners is earning less than the other or assume is earning just minimum wages and asked to contribute towards the rent then what should be their share? Will you ask them to pay half the rent or go by some percentage of their earnings?

From the wet market

Mostly vegetarian meals from Asia

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