A Time To Grow Up

5 Jan

A Time to Grow Up

01/05/2014

Finally someone is talking sense
“When a grown up, educated and office-going woman subjects herself to sexual intercourse with a friend or colleague on the latter’s promise that he would marry her, she does so at her own peril. She must be taken to understand the consequences of her act and must know that there is no guarantee that the boy would fulfill his promise.

But this sensibility came loaded with lots of moral BS

She must understand that she is engaging in an act which not only is immoral but also against the tenets of every religion. No religion in the world allows pre-marital sex,”

Why can’t desi judges shut their moral BS and stick to the books. Moralizing defeats the whole purpose of taking responsibility as an independent agent. What about atheists? They have no religion do they still have to subscribe to this judge’s BS or they’ll have to just grow up and take responsibility for their actions.

It is high time desi women learned sex does not mean marriage, broken promises are not rape but buying peace in marriage with sex is definitely marital rape. It is ridiculous when consenting adults refuse to take responsibility for their actions and play the victim game. Sex no matter how protected can lead to pregnancy and STDs, what part of this fact is hard to understand is beyond DG. Desi women bear the differential consequences of exposed sexual indulgences and worse in case of premarital pregnancy. In a system where premarital sexuality of women is frowned upon and penalized in the form of social ostracism and stigmatization women are bound to either limit it by setting boundaries of practice that are conditional (ultimate goal is marrying the person you sleep with) like sex with fiancé, or sex with someone who’ll be her future spouse etc. If the mother lode of desi cultural upmanship was not rested in female bodies and their sexuality women will take more responsibility for their actions rather play victim.

In 1950’s whole nation wept for unwed Mala Sinha in Dhool Ka Phool and made it super duper hit these were the same people who would stigmatize and ostracize an unwed mother in the neighborhood if not stone her alive. If women of 1950’s in bollywood and reality did not understand that sex can lead to pregnancy but not marriage they did not learn it in 1960s, 70s, 80s, 90s and 2000+ either because of this same moral BS this judge spouted above.

In those early decades a woman ended up with pregnant belly in lieu of broken promises now she has another sword hanging on her, STDs and HIV. It is high time women started taking responsibility for their sexuality. This does not mean it is all women’s responsibility as it takes two to get laid. Men cannot just walk away from their responsibility they have to be accountable for their actions too. Now is the time to ascertain consequences for men too. It is time men start understanding a woman may or may not abort and if she doesn’t you are responsible for the seeds you sowed. You like it or not sex even if protected has consequences at times.

Just because woman’s sexuality and motherhood out-of-wedlock is stigmatized for this one reason men can walk away from shouldering any responsibility for paternity. A woman’s right to her body to determine what she does with the fetus is hers but consequences are yours to bear for next 18 years in the form of child support, you like it or not. Unless we ascertain accountability for paternity we cannot ask women to stop being perpetual victims.  All those men who denounce child custody in lieu of not paying child support and alimony should too be brought under this gamut. It will be thrown in DG’s face that women will purposefully get pregnant if not to force a man into marriage, then for child support those naysayers will love to forget this is des and life for single mothers is not a cake walk for many decades to come by…

Think before you get laid…

Desi Dilemma: To Get laid or Not to Get Laid

 

 

DG is pretty sure there will be a barrage of hate mail and flak for this post but in these many years she has become use to it.

The second news link needs a separate post about women who become mistress and rights of first wife in desi context these are complex issues as women’s dependence on marriage and man are social cultural crutches for majority.

Though did not want to start 2014 with this kind of post but couldn’t help. Hope readers had good 2013 and will enjoy 2014…

4 Responses to “A Time To Grow Up”

  1. Arman December 31, 2014 at p12 #

    Women don’t “choose” Burqas. Period.

    WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS? WHAT HAS IT GOT TO DO WITH THIS POST?
    DG

    Like

  2. Rashmi February 22, 2014 at p02 #

    so, i don’t get any help. Should I fight this battle alone?

    http://parthasadhukhan.wordpress.com/2014/02/18/almost-every-indian-husband-is-subjected-to-domestic-violence/#comments

    @Rashmi,
    Your comment has been answered. There is no fight. You pick and choose your battles, so you can’t expects to fight them for you.
    DG

    Like

  3. Rashmi February 21, 2014 at p02 #

    Hi DG,

    I am so sorry to barge in but I need help from all my feminist sisters. Yes, all of you can help me.

    I am being singled out at a blog and feel alone.

    How do I counter his articles and comments:

    https://parthasadhukhan.wordpress.com/2014/02/18/almost-every-indian-husband-is-subjected-to-domestic-violence/#comments

    Can you speak for our common cause? It can be helpful for me and maybe some others.

    I can always provide links from this blog but that alone won’t help me. Can you speak for all of us?

    Sorry once again.

    – A helpless girl, Rashmi

    @Rashmi,
    Welcome to GGTS, a safe space.
    Yes, I saw your personal emails in my inbox and tried to reach out to you but my emails bounced.
    Why do you feel we “the feminist” sisters should come to your rescue when you chose to jump into a hornet’s nest knowing what awaited you? The first principle of the advocacy work we do is you work with fense sitters not the antagonists coz’ their minds are made beyond reason their logics are entrenched in their reality through the foggy gogles. No sane person will claim all persons of one gender or ethnicity are oppressed or bad then where is the point to argue with one who believes otherwise?

    Can you speak for all of us?
    NO, DG only speaks for herself in a loud and clear voice. Her words are rooted in her reality and research based finidings so they are deemed true by many.

    You are not helpless and a girl. Be the strong woman you can be and you are make a choice. When people start making personal attacks understand they have lost the argument and have nothing substantial to contribute. Make a choice walk with your head held high.
    Please share this message of hope with anyone who may benefit.
    Peace,
    Desi Girl

    Like

  4. simplegirl January 15, 2014 at p01 #

    Agreed absolutely. Women should be responsible for their sexuality. Have sex consensually but when things do not work out, part ways, why term it as rape?
    The samaj’s moralizing thing is crap.
    PS.- a very happy new year to you …

    @Simplegirl,

    Welcome to GGTS, a safe space.
    A very happy new year to you too. Sorry, it is just 9 months late. Better late than never.🙂
    Please share this message of hope with anyone who may benefit.
    Peace,
    Desi Girl

    Like

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From the wet market

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