Marital Home Belongs to…

9 Nov

Marital Home Belongs to…

11/09/2013

Most of her activist life is spent working at the grassroots with women and children  experiencing domestic abuse while she was still in des and then abroad. Here she’ll share few examples both from her personal and professional experience how the concept of marital home actually works in real life.

There she stood in her two month old marital nuclear home cooking and cleaning as her in-laws were visiting them, she made a feast and she made sure they had a comfortable and pleasant visit. There comes the mother-in-law, starts making faces and making snide comments you don’t have a dining table you don’t sofa the message she is sending is, your parents didn’t provide you a decent start up funds for setting up your new household. By the end of the visit it was established the house is MIL’s son’s and the daughter-in-law was there just to cook clean and serve her husband his family and be thankful for being given this opportunity. They leave she, sulks and he asks her, why a sad face and there ensues their first fight and he says, get out of my house. Yes, it is his house he pays the rent, she only cooks and cleans. There after she could never bring up even rightful concerns because she knew it was his house and she had nowhere to go as she did not want to return to her parents’ who spent so much on this wedding both financially and emotionally.

Her case was brought to DG by a well-wisher who did not know how longer he and his wife could support this woman and her three children who were abandoned by her husband who had moved out of state after defaulting on few jobs and was no longer paying the rent or sending the family any money. The woman did odd jobs for desi families like babysitting, housekeeping and cleaning and that was not enough for four mouths to feed on.  As DG visited the apartment she lived in DG was shell shocked all it had was a crib and a chair three bed sheets, two pots and few plastic plates and tumblers. It is a grace the apartments in the US of A by law are to have appliances and some are carpeted. There was no running water as the bills were overdue the hydro company had disconnected the supply. DG’s first question was what happened to your personal belongings? She told her in a very low voice, her spouse had sent his friend to take away everything in the house and the man proved his loyalty to his friend by actually loading everything in a truck and taking it to his place. He even showed his sympathies by saying, “I am just doing what he asked me to do, it is nothing against you.” Basically it meant “I am an ass for not challenging an adult bully.” It is amazing how some men support other male bullies actually they do so for protecting their common male interests.

How owns the home two people in marriage live in? Is it the partner who pays the rent? If one partner was not employed outside the home does it mean the home does not belong to them? What if one of the partners is earning less than the other or assume is earning just minimum wages and asked to contribute towards the rent then what should be their share? Will you ask them to pay half the rent or go by some percentage of their earnings?

4 Responses to “Marital Home Belongs to…”

  1. Sherry January 4, 2014 at p01 #

    Please can you give answers to the questions in the last paragraph. My husband pays the rent. I do not want to talk to him nicely and look after him even after fights, just because I am living in his house.

    @Sherry,
    Sorry it took DG a very long time to get to comments due to her personal reasons. She has answered your previous comment in detail. To your question how can you behave badly because you are hurt after a fight. DG doesn’t no, if bad behavior can win friends or two wrongs can make one right. Her aim is to resolve conflict and not distract from an issue by creating more conflict.
    had you browsed around GGTS post, pages and comments you would have found your answer but DG will make it easy for you. All these tools are free for anyone to chose.
    Hope this helps. Any personalised support is nominally charged service.

    https://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/all-about-relationships/feeling-and-expressing-your-emotions/
    https://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/all-about-relationships/feeling-and-expressing-your-emotions/
    https://girlsguidetosurvival.wordpress.com/all-about-relationships/lets-talk-communication-deadlock/

    Peace,
    Desi Girl

    Like

  2. Nirvana November 11, 2013 at p11 #

    CAn we do soemthing to help?
    I can send a care package, if you tell me the age of the kids ?

    Nirvana,
    Welcome to GGTS, a safe space.
    That is a kind thought. These are issues DG is raising here for public awareness about the complexities of women lives and intimate partner abuse, the woman came to her some six-seven years back. Her immediate needs were taken care of and some strategic interventions were made that deserve a post in itself.
    Please share this message of hope with anyone who may benefit.
    Peace,
    Desi Girl

    Like

  3. Andrea Mandal (@triliana) November 10, 2013 at p11 #

    This sounds like it is happening in Canada; she can sue for divorce and spousal maintenance, not to mention child support. There should be resources for pro bono lawyers who would take the case. Hopefully the woman is not adverse to the idea of a divorce after so much injustice has been done to her and her children; this is inexcusable on the part of this male; I do not feel right calling him a man because he is not acting like one.

    @Andrea Mandal (@triliana),
    Welcome to GGTS, a safe space.
    This was in the US not Canada. DG will have to do a whole post on what happened next with this woman. When she’ll do a post she’ll leave a comment in reply to your current comment so that you can know.
    Please share this message of hope with anyone who may benefit.
    Peace,
    Desi Girl

    Like

  4. Huzaifa Pandit November 9, 2013 at p11 #

    oh dear – what a tragedy- This concept of ownership and proprietorship I believe is one that demands attention from theorists of space such that it can be translated into ground level action by ensuring space is appropriated in a manner that upholds the ends of ethical justice- fie be to the man😦

    Like

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