Cost and Effect Analysis of Last/Past Relationship

6 Nov

Cost and Effect Analysis of Last/Past Relationship:

11/06/2013

In recovery journey one has to do lots of house cleaning before that one has to take inventory of the emotional stuff so that you don’t repeat the pattern. When one embarks on a new relationship it is suggested they take such an exercise where they ask themselves and their partner early on so that they know if it is worth going forward or if it is just repetition of past patterns.

This a worksheet from a course work that DG just found in her old assignments zip drive. It will make an interesting read she thought.

How is this relationship different from last/past relationship?

  • Not mooching
  • Not sexual
  • Equality based
  • Inexpensive fun/ joy
  • Enjoying nature
  • Spiritual- discussing God
  • Discussing tentative issues- love, finances, career goals, expectations, children, other significant relationships etc.

 

Why were these things missing from past relationships? If not totally missing then why were they not as important as they are today?

 

Cost and Effect Analysis of Last/Past Relationship:

 

Expectations

Received

Net Result

comfort + initial comfort Discomfort- physical, emotional, financial
 love + initial love Just memories
 appreciation + initial appreciation Guilt generation
 long term commitment + initial need gratification- physical, emotional Short term relationship- long term prescription medication
Security – nil Doubtful of future relationships, comfort eating= weight gain
Stability – nil, they were looking for anchor in me Still looking for it  
  – that was the best they could do but was not enough for me Quest to find best matched partner – if one really exists  
       
       
       

You can add more of your expectations in the empty rows.

Present Situation:

Are you looking for a carbon copy of self in partner?  Not possible there does not exist another you.

What are your immediate and long term goals? Emotional, Physical- health, financial, family etc.

What issues are negotiable and what are not? Place of residence, shared activities- volunteering, recreation, child rearing, spiritual, finances, chores, social life etc

What will not be tolerated under any circumstances? Infidelity, emotional unavailability, financial blunders and secrets, abuse of any kind inclusive of spiritual, values…

 

You are complete in yourself, you do not need any one to make you complete. All you need is someone deserving to share your achievements with. You know that just believe in yourself.

 

Word your needs precisely and work towards them no one can achieve abstract needs example- You want peace, but what action or activity will or can bring you peace?

Hope this helps, make suitable suggestions and re send it to your partner for further mind work.

 

3 Responses to “Cost and Effect Analysis of Last/Past Relationship”

  1. psharmarao November 7, 2013 at p11 #

    Moral of the story : The most important person in your life is YOU.

    Like

    • girlsguidetosurvival November 7, 2013 at p11 #

      @psharmarao,
      That is true but there is a thin line between self obsessed and self focused because one has to also make room for the other person.
      DG

      Liked by 1 person

      • psharmarao November 7, 2013 at p11 #

        I agree DG, but I would still stay this is one lesson our girls need to be taught, that they do not exist to please the world that they do have an I separate from their husband and his priorities, that there is so much to life other than marriage and mothering. Till they know this I this checklist or any such checklist will be of no use to them.

        Like

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