Between Divorce, Annulment and a Lived Lie

4 Nov

Between Divorce, Annulment and a Lived Lie

11/04/2013

As we sat on those tiny chairs in the children’s room besides the chapel he pulled a piece of paper from his coat, took a deep breath and said, “here now this is what comes next… she wanted to move to another country and we did. It was her country of birth and this is mine, I tried but I could not be there forever so I came back. We tried to make it work long distance but then there was nothing holding us together anymore, for the first time those complains actually seemed so lame, they were for the sake of. She was ever complaining throughout our lives together even our kids can bear testimony to it. They repeatedly told me let it go, let go of the marriage but I was just so old fashioned. For three years this long distance drained me both physically and financially it is then I said we need to make a decision what are we going to do, even the kids don’t want to move overseas. It is then I received divorce papers  from her attorney. I did not see a reason why not to sign I had always been giving so this was just one more thing to extend. But this, now this is ridiculous, she wants an annulment to make amends with her Gods.

“A piece of paper will erase the 42 years we spent together and two wonderful kids we raised. An annulment after 42 years of marriage, why? Why can’t divorce be it why annulment?  How do you explain two kids, okay we didn’t sire these kids but we raised them together and 42 years of cohabitation? Sin of fornication, what is she trying to prove to her Gods, that life with me was a lie. Either it was a lie or this is a lie. I don’t know what to make of it I am just too angry at this time.” He kept speaking for a long time and few of us just wandered into different directions with our thoughts…

Is it possible to annul a 42 year old marriage for that matter any relationship of any duration. Can one say they are done and they can wipe the past clean and move on. It is true we enter relationships with  both an ideal of relationship we would like to have and the actual emotional baggage we have from previous associations and relationships. We part ways but we leave a part of us behind and bring along a part of the other. How can this slate ever be clean? There will always remain a set of memories good, bad or evil with potential to taint our present.

What do the esteemed readers think ? Please share your views.

Haath chhute bhi to rishte nahi chhoda karte
Waqt ki shaakh se lamhe nahi toota karte

Jiski awaaz mein silwat ho nigaahon mein shikan
Aisi tasvir ke tukade nahi joda karte

Shehad jeene ka mila karta hai thoda thoda
Jaanewaalon ke liye dil nahin toda karte

Lag ke saahil se jo behta hai use behane do
Aise dariyaon ka kabhi rukh nahin moda karte

Gulzar

3 Responses to “Between Divorce, Annulment and a Lived Lie”

  1. psharmarao November 5, 2013 at p11 #

    DG human relationships especially the ones popular culture makes us believe are for lifelong and sometimes even beyond SAAT JANAM and all that are so difficult to bring to a satisfactory closure. The ghazal is beautiful.

    Like

    • girlsguidetosurvival November 5, 2013 at p11 #

      @psharmarao,

      Very true, here the reference was about this drama of annulment in the Catholic church http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/22/catholic-remarriage-_n_4143563.html Let me insert this link in the post.

      How is it possible to say after 42yrs of living together that the marriage never existed. It is ridiculous. The whole narrative above is true to each word.

      SAAT JANAM KA SAATH is eternal torture, if someone said it to me I’ll tell them this is the 7th birth so don’t get your hopes up.

      DG

      Like

      • psharmarao November 7, 2013 at p11 #

        yes DG I agree half of the issues arise because marriage in our culture is not considered a personal equation but an open one into which everyone else keeps coming in with their interventions.

        Like

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