When Devdas is the role model

2 Nov


When Devdas is the role model


Few months ago while riding back home someone called DG’s name aloud, she is not used to such occurrences so was startled, there stood a young woman smiling at her. DG’s eyes tried to scan her features to find some recognition in those yellow teeth. She started without a pause, “I no longer live with your ex-roommate. How did you ever live in that company.”

It is then DG realized this young woman was girlfriend of the kid she rented her spare bedroom to last year. She was at her place most afternoons and evening after work because she did not want to go to her home where her parents fought constantly. She is a fine young woman, interested to go to cooking school so she would cook in DG’s kitchen stay late and go home around midnight. In her company the best came out of the young man she was with but once they decided to move together after three years of seeing each other DG saw the signs.

Together they could afford a place, she was trying to escape her home and he wanted to have his own place all worked out fine between them. When he left he not only left the place horribly dirty and stinking but also took DG’s dishes and sheets. DG was still recollecting that time when she spoke up again, “I am no longer with him, he was so horribly dirty I moved out within a month.” All DG could say was, hmm and she babbled again, “did you say good for you?”

DG said, “no I did not and I am too old to say anything” and then her stop came and she alighted the bus. DG was left wondering at twenty she had had a relationship of three years, a live-in experience of a month and now a new boyfriend. She had experienced what it is like to on your own and how to stand up for yourself and walk out of dysfunctional relationship in time without much harm.

That reminded DG of the question a desi student had posed the previous week, “why young desi people suck at relationships and are into so much devdas like drama,” he confessed how he acted masochistically to get a girl’s favors  by inflicting self harm in high school and a year after.

DG’s answer to him was, we desis thrive in drama and Bollywood music that hammers into our psyche you can only love once and failure or rejection demand self-destruction or just destruction for that matter. With no healthy way of interacting with opposite gender and lack of healthy relationship models what do you expect from them? A young man or woman here (in the US) starts dating by 15-16 and has had few relationships before they actually settle down with someone for good. By mid or late twenties they have had their share of dramas and have if not fully then partially discovered “the self” and are cognizant of their needs and what they need in a relationship and a partner.

We desis if we pick and choose dates just to know them become playboys and sluts who wants those labels? If we prefer arranged marriage then there is no option of dissent but to make it work until death do us apart or one of us kills the other.

5 Responses to “When Devdas is the role model”

  1. Malyaj December 20, 2013 at p12 #

    Yeah we desis need to understand that a “failed” relationship is not the end of the world. It’s ok if things do not work out. It’s ok to be single and being in a relationship/getting married is the not the ultimate purpose of life. I had my most recent break-up about a year ago and I’ve been single since then but I’m happy and focusing on other things right now. The most important thing is being happy 🙂

    May you always be happy. 🙂
    Desi Girl


  2. Indiandude November 6, 2013 at p11 #

    r u crazy? how women as mothers try to control and manipulates their sons?

    and I can also saywhat about women who as wives who control and manipulate their

    sons are not fools who can’t see through things and allow themselves to manipulated –
    what u see as control and manipulation is love bcoz sons are free-willed individuals who love their mothers not out of any blackmail but out of spontaneity of human emotion.

    it’s so sad that you think that a son’s love can be extracted out of manipulation – it’s genuine and it’s people like you who bring a bad name to such innocent love and not the mothers and not the sons.

    what are your selfish reasons? pray, give an answer

    this comes from a guy

    ps i am not a parent

    Stick to one screen name earlier you were s. this comment doesn’t belong here, post it where it belongs to the relevant blogpost and it will be answered. Here for you, and DG is not the author of these posts but a man and few other men have endorsed his views, DG just posted them on GGTS.


    Desi Girl


  3. psharmarao November 5, 2013 at p11 #

    The whole idea of romantic love and marriage is so clichéd in our popular films, advertisements and other social interactions. thoughtful post,kept me thinking for long…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sex And The Indian Cities November 4, 2013 at p11 #

    Imagine the day when Indian teenage daughters come home with a guy and introduce him as bf .. I know of few progressive people who are Ok with this as long as guy is rich , of same caste and they are dating to marry .. I know of women stuck with useless Bfs because their parents know about it .. so in India conditions always apply ..

    P.s : How will Indians survive if we don’t have Devdas and ever sacrificing chandra mukhi .. I loved paro though ..:)

    Good question, How will Indians survive if we don’t have Devdas and ever sacrificing chandra mukhi?
    May be then there will be more Paros.


  5. Alexandra Madhavan November 3, 2013 at p11 #

    Excellent post.

    Thank you,


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Own your relationships. Don't let them own you.

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