Our Story: Flower’s Aren’t Enough

11 Jan


Hope readers are doing good and are steady on their new year resolutions. People make it up to 21 Jan, 2011 then you are all set to win it. It takes three weeks/twenty one days to build a habit and 40 days to cement it. Good Luck.

Yes, Desi Girl did write a new year wish for GGTS but thought following is more important for now.

When a woman reports abuse people rush to judge to their best abilities. Some are genuinely interested to help her others are also genuinely interested to help the relationship (even if she wants it or not that is another story).

  •  how is it possible, she is lying, she is so vocal and smart how could it happen to her;

  • she brought it on herself, he is a reasonable guy;

  • we need to know his side of story too;

  • if she is so troubled in that marriage why doesn’t she leave, she is educated, has a job and no children.

The list is unending, every one has an opinion just because it is a woman’s life. It is a woman’s life so everyone is entitled to an opinion whether they know her or not is impertinent. No matter how much information we put out about the nature of abuse and how it works some people will keep asking the same questions and judging the abused. Last year DG had the opportunity to meet Naomi Ackerman. She performed her famous monologue “Flowers Aren’t Enough.” This monologue was also staged in India few years back. It is a powerful presentation. DG highly recommends readers to share it with friends and families.


Desi Girl


Flowers Aren\’t Enough 1 of 3

Flowers Aren\’t Enough 2 of 3

Flowers Aren\’t Enough 3 of 3

11 Responses to “Our Story: Flower’s Aren’t Enough”

  1. Sex And The Indian Cities February 1, 2011 at p02 #

    loved your new header ..:)


  2. Irene January 27, 2011 at p01 #

    Thanks for sharing the video. I can relate to the feelings one has to go through during such experiences. Glad, she stepped out and is successful in her life. I just hope more and more women get the strength to stand up for themselves against abusive relationships especially in India.

    Welcome to GGTS, a safe space.
    Women will definitely garner strength to walkout of unsafe relationships if they stop feeling alone (isolated) and ashamed. Join the effort, please share this message of hope with anyone who may benefit from it.
    Desi Girl


  3. trupz January 22, 2011 at p01 #

    Your going to my feed right away 🙂


    Welcome to GGTS, a safe space.
    Thank you, please share this message ofhope with anyone who may benefit from it.


    desi Girl


  4. Roshan January 19, 2011 at p01 #

    Very depressing…

    I still feel, there are lot many good men out there, who have been brought up the right way.

    I remember when I was a kid(about 13 yrs old), i slapped my sister during a scuffle, my mom came and she didnt hit me, but told me why its important to respect a woman no matter what happens. Infact No-body has the right to physically abuse anybody. Over the years she made me understand “…when you respect woman, the world respects you”.

    Its a shame, its all in the up-bringing of the kids, these important social pointers are crucial for a civilized society!

    Welcome to GGTS, a safe space.
    Of course there are good men in the world who believe women and children are humans too and deserve equal respect.
    Yes, it is the upbringing. But remember before children pick upcues from neighbours and friends they learn at home. Parents are the best teachers. Parents may say one thing and practice another, like a father may say respect everybody but would treat his wife badly. Just like the religion says women ought to be worshiped or else burnt with the dead husband. It is these contradictory messages that mess up people’s perception of right and wrong.
    Home is the first place children learn how to behave in intimate relationships followed by peers and greater society including media. Your mother did a great job, she made a choice, had she slapped you and asked you to say sorry it would have created resentment and the child would have repeated the behavior. She rather provided a good enough reason and its implications that made a lasting impact.

    Please share this message of hope with anyone who may benefit.
    Desi Girl


  5. Indian Homemaker January 15, 2011 at p01 #

    Absolutely brilliant post DG. Loved the videos – a lot more readers should be watching these videos.

    I agree with you, “Abuse is a planned and systematic errosion of self esteem and isolation of the abused. To able to combat we all need to know how abuse operates.”

    Let me share this post on Buzz, Tweet and on my blog.


  6. nolongeraslave January 15, 2011 at p01 #

    Even if you hear the abuser’s side of the story, he or she will deny or minimize. I agree with Desi girl. There is no excuse for abuse, and the so-called “cause” of the abuse lies within the perpetrator. The victim doesn’t cause anything.


    • Indian Homemaker January 15, 2011 at p01 #

      I agree with you.There is no ‘other side’ to abuse – violence and abuse can not be justified with excuses like ‘the other side of the story’.


  7. Bikram January 12, 2011 at p01 #

    hmmmm but its always wise to know both sides story

    What is there to know, about slapping-punching and sending a person to hospital?
    Is there any justification for violence?

    If Yes, then good luck people…


    • Bikram January 14, 2011 at p01 #

      Y do you always have to go on one tangent.. Its just not slapping-punching and sending a person to hospital.. There a lot of ISSUES otherwise tooo, the idea is to have a bigger picture and deal with it as a whole if you start looking at one aspect things WILL NEVER CHANGE

      and Its amazing to know the full story of how it reached that level of slapping – punching… It easier ot get the person who hit and put him/her away But that doesnot solve the problem .. one needs to find that CAUSE..
      no matter what you do if the root cause is not dealt with THINGS Will happen again maybe with somebody else …

      That is great coming from you. Few weeks ago DG said the same thing in one of our chats you said that was not important just treat abuse as a crime and send a strong message. Please refer them.

      The cause why people abuse other people is that
      1. They feel they have a right to impose their will on others (power)
      2. They believe others should accept their will without question (control)
      3. They believe they can get away with it because they feel they are right.

      All abuse is about power and control. This is the bigger picture, it is not less or more salt in the food or short skirt or uncovered head.

      The whole discussion is on Tbg’s buzz, even you have commented on it.

      The whole monologue is about how what was seemingly benign suggestions on dressing and everyday things became controlling issues and then when the subject resisted impositions she faced physical abuse. Relationship abuse does not errupt like mount Etna it builds over time from intimate persuasions (psycological abuse), manipulative impositions and when subject starts questioning and resisting it becomes verbal or physical abuse.

      Violence against women and children will not end until people start treating them as human entities with equal rights. Like wise, violence against dalits won’t end until upper castes change their thinking of entitlement and superiority and start treating dalits as equal humans.

      Bottom line is there is no excuse for relationship abuse.

      Desi Girl


  8. Sex And The Indian Cities January 12, 2011 at p01 #

    DG : thanks for sharing these ..they cover a host of topics that you have many dealt with in your posts.

    How Victim is made to feel special and then ridiculed, how small habits are changed on the name of love and she is also made to believe that she is happy changing because of this eternal love.
    Marriage and the importance of getting married to the Right person takes centre stage and you keep on ignoring facts , yelling , abuses are all initial sign of physical abuse. But who can see beyond flowers at that point.
    And once you are into the cycle, abuse just become more and more and you feel trapped .there is no way out .you don’t know where to seek help, you are afraid of unseen consequences That’s how it is..

    First take away all your options and make you dependent and then once all doors are shut you are left to be treated the way they deem fit. We need strong support system and to talk about the issues. As she mentioned, what is not talked about does not happen..we have to talk and spread the word and form channels so that victims can find a way out .it needs a lot of courage to walk out of such relationships as there are frequent promises and half hearted –sorry sessions along with flowers to keep the victim hoping and making her stay .
    I am going to share it with all my friends …

    Welcome to GGTS, a safe space.
    Abuse is a planned and systematic errosion of self esteem and isolation of the abused. To able to combat we all need to know how abuse operates.
    Thanks for sharing with your friends.
    Desi Girl



  1. “An ordinary fight with wife…” « The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker - January 21, 2011

    […] Ackerman’s powerful monologue, which I found on Desi Girl’s blog explains how abuse begins and continues. Do share these amazing, eye-opening  videos with […]


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A Desi Girl's Guide to Relationship Survival

Own your relationships. Don't let them own you.

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