What Would You Do?

12 Dec

What Would You Do?

Desi Girl is once again fuming. On Thanks Giving, “A” promised to call her during the week and never did. She did not see him online until today when he logged on to Skype. When they last spoke he had told her he was going to be on National TV and he sounded very excited; now when they were face to face that excitement was no longer visible. What happened? The news is A is on the reality show. Yes, he is one of the audiences that make Ooh! Aah! sounds in the background and laugh at wrong times.

He is on a show where families will discuss who will donate an organ if another family member needs one, spouse, siblings, children or parents. What if the patient is responsible of destroying their organs by making irresponsible life style choices; substance abuse, attempting slow suicide by ingesting something or morbid obesity from over indulgence that can lead to host of chronic and critical health issues leading to organ failure etc.? Our brief talk session just brought these questions to DG’s over busy brain:

 It is a fact biological child and siblings are usually the best matches. Who would you look up to for an organ, your siblings or your children?

If siblings, then which one, married or single?

 If children, then who would you expect to step up?

 If one came forward and the other chickened out would your relationship with them change? Would you confront them for their decision?

 What if someone refused, would you hate them for making that choice? How would it impact your relationship?

 What would you do if none of your family members came forward even after knowing your need and failing health?

Though DG has had few surgeries but still she dreads needles. She pledged her organs on death*; the relief is she won’t feel the pain then. DG has no answers to these questions; she thinks there is no right or wrong answers here. Every family person would instinctively say they would donate an organ to a relative but in reality it would be a difficult decision.

What would you do if you faced such a dilemma?

Then there are strangers…


*Ideally one should carry their donor card with them but DG personally knows two cases in Des where accident victims had donor cards on them and they did not receive emergency care. They were left to die and their organs were harvested. It was all legal.  

12 Responses to “What Would You Do?”

  1. Desi Dude January 14, 2011 at p01 #

    It is a tough quandary. One of my aunt’s is on dialysis and she needs a kidney, and I have offered to give her mine if I am a match (I haven’t been tested yet). Neither of her sons are a match.

    My parents are opposed to any donation, saying “no girl will marry you if you have only one kidney”. I am also worried, because I know we all naturally lose kidney function as we age, and what if I land up in the same situation because I have only one kidney? I don’t have siblings, and I don’t know if I will have children, and even if I do, they may not want to donate… and I can’t blame them for that. It is a tough situation. 😦

    @Desi Dude,
    Welcome to GGTS, a safe space.
    It is a tough predicament. There are mutual exchange donations where non match relative donates the organ to a non relative who is a match and that receipent’s relative maes an exchange donation. May be that could be an option for your aunt.

    Please share this message of hope with anyone who may benefit.
    Desi Girl


  2. anjugandhi December 18, 2010 at p12 #

    heart touching and thought provoking questions raised .i have a feeling that if a close relative refused to come forward to help, the relations will get strained.the sufferer will not realise that even he would have behaved in the same way by refusing to donate his organ but he will carry this grudge against his relative for life long.


  3. Smitha December 16, 2010 at p12 #

    Such a difficult and heart-breaking situation! I read about the two brothers and can’t get it out of my mind.. What would I do? I really don’t know.I guess I would not know unless faced with a situation like this. But it cannot be anything less than totally traumatic- whichever way one has to decide..


  4. Prolifique December 14, 2010 at p12 #

    Jubbee says she can’t believe that an injured person at des was allowed to die because they carried a donor card! I guess Jubbee has never been to des and cannot comprehend the total lack of either donors or ethics. People do not readily donate anything, finding it a gross concept, you need some education and thoughtfulness to figure that what you don’t need you might as well give to someone else and that you will not be disfigured by the removal of the said organs. Also organ traficking is a very real danger in an unscrupulous world, but need not be if there are plenty of organs to go around. I guess you have to face up to your own mortality when you pledge to donate your organs, and not everyone want to do this. Just as they dont want to make a will whereas it would be much much better if one did. If we all did.


  5. Jubeee December 13, 2010 at p12 #

    I am a donor as well. I take offense to the statement that they ruined organs due to irresponsible behavior. Addiction is a real illness, anyone whose ever been close to an addict knows they cannot control their behavior.


    That is so wonderful you gave a gift of life.
    About addiction, it is definitely a disease like all other diseases there is help available. If person chooses not to seek help then who is responsible for their life decisions? There is evidence people have kicked severe addictions inclusing food addiction and have stayed on course by staying away from triggers.

    …anyone whose ever been close to an addict knows they cannot control their behavior.
    There is something called enabling the addict, even the dear one’s have to seek help to be able to effectively help the addict.
    That particular sentence can be read in many different ways, sorry you felt it offensive.

    Desi Girl


  6. Iniyaal December 13, 2010 at p12 #

    Sorry, guess I did not answer your question.. a very difficult situation indeed. If no one in the family is willing to donate, we cant force them. But since it is a life threatening situation, I would still try to talk to the person who is healthy and will not face complications. If they are going to, then I guess it is a hard situation…


  7. Bikram December 13, 2010 at p12 #

    I got my card on me all the time, it sits behind my warrant card … 🙂 so no hassles if i die they will know what to do and take 🙂

    other than my brain i got all on donation 🙂


    The question is not about donating it is about need. What if one of us needs an organ, that scares me.

    I couldn’t pledge brain either. My cause is bit different they didn’t find one in the scan 🙂


    • Bikram December 13, 2010 at p12 #

      I got no qualms over taking or giving 🙂


  8. BlueHornbill December 13, 2010 at p12 #

    I tried to think about it, but I really cant imagine what I would do. I agree with ‘desigheeandcofee’.


  9. desigheeandcoffee December 13, 2010 at p12 #

    Very difficult situation. I have no idea what I would do. It would break my heart to take the organs of my parents, spouse, sibling…

    I might chose not to go through with the transplant and die.

    Really a difficult situation, giving is still easier, taking is hard. Did you check that link about two brothers. How do you live with that…


    • Iniyaal December 13, 2010 at p12 #

      I was involved with an NGO and part of the job was to help kidney patients. There were many patients who were too young to have a child or child was too young for donating and too add to their woes, they did not have siblings, old parents .. they had no one to turn to for donation. Registering for donor organs in India means the patient waits for years, which is medically impossible. Any other means of getting a donor comes under the illegal category. It is painful to see such patients… Hoping against hope that their cause is taken up quickly and proper legal means are found to give them hope.

      Welcome back. Long time no see.
      Yes, that is true. When we did not have this law the poor were being exploited by the unscrupulous people- rich were buying the poor out and now this law is not sufficuent either. Did you check the last link, how people in US swapped organs, may be that is a solution.


      • Alpana December 21, 2010 at p12 #

        ‘giving is still easier, taking is hard.’
        I agree with you.

        Very good thought provoking post.

        Welcome to GGTS, a safe sapce.
        Please share this message of hope with anyone who may benefit.
        Desi Girl


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