10/16/2012
Today with 215,783 hits GGTS turns three. Thanks to all readers, supporters and comment writers to help keep this space safe and productive for healthy initiatives to venture into desi relationships. When DG started writing three years ago her undying optimism nurtured a lofty ambition of revolutionizing desi relationships and reaching out millions. That happened or not is different story but she definitely believed if she dreamt little bigger like she aimed little higher in her .303 range firing she’ll hit the target. Her target audience was middle class educated and gainfully employed desi women or desi s, she did reach some in multiple ways and desi men of course came on their own.
Year I
These three years have been a very productive journey with personal ups and downs. In the first year she learned to use gchat and started chatting with her readers beyond GGTS. Few of those interacting with her were curious about her identity and asked too many personal questions. Curiosity is understandable but inquisitiveness is unwelcome. Those who respected DG never asked any personal question of identification are still around. Four of those readers and co bloggers have kept in touch from time to time through gchat and gtalk given their personal trials and constraints on time. This is a shout out to @IHM, @Bikram, @Anju Ghandhi and @STIC. During this time DG wrote regularly and posted lots of analytical material that was self explanatory and was designed to be used as self help. She answered each comment in great detail and supported numerous women to the extent of making personal international calls. As a survivor working outside the system she felt strongly to hold every hand that reached out. There was also an attempt to highjack GGTS that was foiled and DG learned to post copy right inscription and how to monitor use of her moniker.
Year II
In the year two her posts became fewer given her personal engagements but she regularly followed up with her comment writers through personal emails. Self doubt is a root characteristic of abused people until they understand the basics of abuse they keep fighting every well researched reason you offer. Once they get hold of basics of relationship between love and abuse; how it operates and it’s cyclic nature they sooner or later make a decision. Once they reach the decision they don’t need much help from DG they quickly move on. While on an international trips she kept regular check on comments and gmail. While on one such trip an abused woman reached out to DG she gave her hours of one on one attention through live chat and resources yet she came back few months later to seek answer to same questions. DG did observe distressed comment writers had a pattern they kept coming back with same questions and seeking DG’s attention. She felt disappointed and defeated because either those readers were not getting it or thought DG was idle waiting for them to ping her.
It is interesting during this period DG was like everybody else dealing with her personal stuff too. These women who desperately sought her vanished she hoped they moved on. As usual DG regularly followed up with them. Most had made a decision and had moved on but none found it worth to let DG know that her hours of one on one personal attention paid off or not. It is then DG started struggling with the thought what do readers owe a blogger? Comment, acknowledgement or formal greetings! Guess, not a thing. These were people who could not afford therapy, life coaches or any kind of professional help given their circumstances were counting on someone who could be there for them.
It is then a woman wrote a comment and asked DG if she could send her a personal email. A globetrotting successful professional trapped in emotionally abusive marriage. DG spoke to her couple of times coordinating her schedule to the different time zone. Then DG finds an email reading, “Sorry DG….I have let you down….I can fight no more…..” What is DG suppose to make of it? Those were scary 24 hours, few of you have been part of that scare helping DG find out if the writer was safe. It was a fake id and fake name what could DG do, count her blessings and pray for the safety of the writer. If DG suspects the person she is in communication with is in danger in anyway be it from someone else or from self she’ll do everything in her power to make sure they are safe. But she can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself. Next day this person apologized and few days later vanished and just reappeared a month ago. DG is glad she made her decision and is getting back her life but had no interest to inform DG about it. Did she have to? Nopes, not at all.
It is then DG started receiving occasional personal emails from young desi men who were interested to learn about improving their personal relationships and learn about healthy ways of conflict resolution. One even wrote a guest post about his reclamation journey. DG continued making international calls when and where a person in need appeared. DG misses Gbuzz it was a good place to initiate discussions on wide variety of topics with wide range of audience.
Year III
Year three has been pretty slow for DG’s writing efforts. It is not that she ran out of topics or she is burnt out. She is just not motivated to write because some people are assuming she is on a rescue mission. Rather at times it makes her angry that all this time and effort she has put into GGTS is of no use if some support seekers do not even have basic etiquette about how to seek help irrespective of the fact there is a post on that too. To amuse herself she started a 30 day rant but that too fizzled out within a week. She has put out enough material in the form of posts, pages and comments for anyone to read and learn. But still there are people who have no regard for the work she has put forward who still expect to be spoon fed instead of digging the posts and comments carefully. Few friends of GGTS, suggested and helped in starting a nominal fee based service for those who can afford but very few people opted for that. Even when they could afford to pay this demonstrates how serious they are about the relationship issues they are dealing with.
If one is sick one seeks best treatment or tries to find the best remedy. If your relationship is sick you seek the cheapest solution and advice; browse blogs seek total strangers who judge you and shred you. This is how important desi relationships are. DG has worked hard to keep GGTS a rant free space. Few co bloggers have forwarded her emails from their readers who are in need of help. It feels good that peers think DG can help but the truth is she can only do as much. No one can help you if you don’t want to help yourself. It is hard to stay focused when you are abused, you are depressed and are on a constant guard to avoid next assault either emotional or physical or both but you have to do what you have to do to get from point A to point B. DG is there to walk with you from point A to point B but you have to take the first step she can’t do that for you. Be informed, browse around and read GGTS.
Rules of Engagement
DG is still making those international calls. There are readers who are in touch with her through personal emails and who genuinely check with her from time to time. As a reader you do not owe her a thing, just don’t fake interest in her well-being. Don’t expect her to share her personal struggles with you, here she is a service provider and is bound by professional ethics. She’ll let you know what you need to know. She has already shared a lot about her personal life. Just know when you ping her she responds but that does not mean she is sitting idle she makes time for you. She doesn’t give a hoot what you think about her but respect her time.
Post Logue
True, this post doesn’t sound like regular anniversary posts you read elsewhere. GGTS, is a different space and so is DG, very unapologetic. She is humbled by the love she has received here. She is grateful for the friends she has made. A best asset a woman can have is her head over her shoulders and strong women in her life than dysfunctional men. This is a shout out for you all gals who have stood with DG- Preeti, Julia, Alison, Narcolovelies . A best asset a man can have is to grow some spine and yank that uncut umbilical chord. DG has some relatively functional male supporters of her cause as peers and comrades. There are a good number of male subscribers of GGTS now even a male blog is following GGTS, God know how they plan to liberate men by reading A Desi Girl’s Guide to Relationship Survival. DG writes poetry on facebook you can join her there. Yes, even DG needs help from time to time some angles have been walking DG from point A to point B every day. They are angles so they cannot be identified.
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